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America in Crisis – He said “Winers”, not “Whiners.” Part Two – Large scale Wine Consumption undermines essential shared cultural values

October 25th, 2008 by admin | Filed under Essentials of Beertheostory, Post Cold War - 1989.

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by Beertheostorian A
Sponsored by Scherer & Company Liquors

America produces billions of gallons of beer annually and a significant portion of it outstanding beer. We have surpassed brewing mediocrities, like Australia, not only in production of the quantity of beer, but in the production of high quality beer have hoisted us and kept us at the top.

Yet America is in crisis. (See Part I) We have a hops shortage, China outproduces us in total quantity of beer, all of our largest brewers are largely owned by international conglomerates and wine drinking is on the rise. Fortunately for the United States, the Chinese still brew as though they existed in 1960’s USA. Mostly mediocre adjunct1 laden offerings designed to placate the masses with the smoothest most non-descript beer possible. While our great offerings keep us afloat, America faces two enemies from within that could undermine our hegemony as a world power; the increase in wine drinking in America and the ever present domestic beer flavored seltzer water more commonly referred to as light beers. Today we address the issue of wine drinking and it impact on America’s shared cultural values.

America’s is safe for now, but continued growth in beer drinking and a subsequent growth in demand for better beer, could lead China to the same kind of revolution America embarked upon in the 1980’s. The same is true of Russia, and as long as we continue to occupy Germany, the European Union will be no great threat. Such a Chinese or Russian revolution could create Peak Beer issues for the United States.2 We must stave off this development while it is still possible.3

First and foremost in this jihad to maintain American Imbeerialist leadership is how to increase the production of American beer, especially great American beer. How do we do this? Well as your economics teacher told you it is all about supply and demand. If we wish to increase the production of beer, i.e., the supply, then we need to increase the demand for the beer. What is the greatest single impediment to achieving that goal? The wine drinking weanies overrunning the country.

At this point, some may ask: “What does wine drinking have to do with the beer theory of history?” ( After all wine drinkers are effete little intellectuals who have the testosterone levels of a neutered dog. They are boring insignificant members of our society, trying to use their discussions of the complexity of the wine, its balance, blah, blah, blah, blah, in an effort to hide their overwhelming sense of inferiority, created by their inability to hold their alcohol and nail the hot chick at the prom. In short they are geeks to the nth degree.)4 This is a valid objection on a microeconomic level, yet on a macroeconomic level it is specious.5 In short, we must address their presence in our society, understand their impact on our future and develop a plan for making them productive members of our society again.6

Yet, to answer this question, one must understand the fundamental effects beer and wine have upon their respective drinkers. Beer makes you want to do the things that make nations strong and powerful, fostering assertiveness, and a desire to achieve a goal by whatever means necessary. Wine makes you esthete, effete, and a complete jellyfish. Wine makes you languid, more desirous of making love or art, than of making a point. Beer on the other hand fosters other valuable nation and character building personality traits, such as being part of a larger clan, and beating the snot out of people who are not part of your clan.7 In short beer drinking creates the necessary conditions for building the shared cultural values so essential to national unity. It also creates the essential conditions that encourage people to stop, by whatever means necessary, the destruction of those shared cultural values, by aesthete, effete, intellectual and physical jellyfish, all necessities to imbeerialist hegemony.

Definitions:

Gotchya! You fell for this again!?!?!? There are no definitions in this article. Go back to the first article entitled “The Beer Theory of History – Introduction,” for definitions.

1 Gotchya! (see definitions)

2 See footnote 6 in the article The Beer Theory of History, Introduction.

3(The Editors) As the Great Oz said, “Do not concern yourself with the man behind the curtain!”; or in this case the huge quantities of Chinese owned interests in U.S. debt, both consumer and personal. (Beertheostorian A) As long as we stay ahead in the beer theatre of operations credit and debt will not be enough for the Chinese to topple us.

4 (The Editors) Beertheostorian A is a  misogynistic, misanthropic, euro-centric homophobe, which raises the question as to why we allow him this forum. . . because he pays for the beer.

5 (Beertheostorian A)Specious, an argument or an objection that sounds good on its face, but upon deeper inspection it is found to be lacking. Here the objection that they are geeks is accurate, but it does not change the negative impact they are having on the nation in its quest to remain the greatest  beer producing nation in the history of the planet.

6For those of you who would advocate rounding them up and just killing them all, while a tempting idea, it has been tried before and with disastrous results. It was called Nazi Germany and Hitler’s scientists had identified people genetically predisposed to wine drinking communists, the mentally retarded, homosexuals, Gypsies, Jews and rogue Christians who actually believe Jesus stood for peace, turning the other cheek, charitable acts towards others including non-Christians and not for kicking the shit out of people who do not believe as you do. Look where it got the Germans a re-occupation by the French and an occupation from the communists.

7 Informational source, one of the great scientific researchers in her field, Dr. Janet Kubler, Phd.
(The Editors) It should be noted that Dr. Kubler specializes in Marine Biology.

© 2008 Beertheostory, Inc.

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